Monday, March 28, 2011

An Effort to be Positive

It's been awhile since I've written anything down. I believe this is because I haven't been doing anything. I have slacked off with some of the goals I have set for myself and it has gotten me down in the dumps.

Today, I'm ready to go!!! I'm taking small steps to get me through the day, one decision at a time, and I know I'll make it. A couple of food decisions I made today were to eat a banana instead of oatmeal made with milk and brown sugar. I chose an apple instead of mozzarella sticks...THAT was a tough one! I love me some deep fried cheese. One step at a time. That's all I can do.

Today's Focus: Make good decisions.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I think too much. Some people would say that it's a good thing and in most cases, I agree. My thinking is preventing me from being present. I find myself over planning as a way of procrastinating. I have to figure everything out before I do something, when if I just do it, things will be fine. I like to plan, to set goals, to make sure I will be able to succeed. I have been told many times throughout my life, "think before you speak, think before you act". I am taking this saying to a whole new level! One of the annoyances of my over planning is when something does not go as planned, I tend to overreact or...well, I have trouble improvising and this is when I find myself putting in little effort, giving up, or quitting. I believe I have just discovered another one of my defense mechanisms. I have my goals for today, just as I did yesterday but right now I am not present...I am thinking about the sequence of things to come. I'm planning out how long my workout is going to be and whether or not I will have time to make a specific something for dinner. Will I have enough time to stop by the market and is that going to put me behind schedule for getting to bed on time? Oh my gosh, what if I get a Netflix movie tonight? Is there going to be enough time to watch that? If it doesn't get in the mail tomorrow, I won't get one for Saturday night.
Now that I've written down my sequence of thoughts, I'm feeling pretty neurotic. It's not that I stress about these little questions, but my mind is so busy with this stuff. That's what it is. stuff.

Today's Focus: Find a balance between achieving goals and enjoying the moment.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Monday is a Motivator

Monday: A day to set goals.
My exercise goals for the week: Cardio x 4 days. Strength Training x 2 - 3 days.
My food goals are: No fast food. Alcohol on Friday only. Lots of vegetables, the green ones!
My personal goals are: Be nice to myself. Ask for help. Stay present. Meditate. Research consulting opportunities.

I have set appropriate goals for the week. I think I could be more specific about some of them, but I'm not trying to set myself up. I will start with these and evaluate throughout the week. I need to have daily check-ins with myself so I do not get discouraged and fall behind. I will need to take time tonight and make some food to take with me to work. I will need to go to bed on time so I get up on time. I need to get up on time so I can eat breakfast at home instead of  at work.

How am I going to evaluate my personal goals? I will keep track of how many times I have negative thoughts about myself and my actions. I will be aware of my it helpful, is it positive, is it critical, what are my self-talk patterns? If I don't get out of bed on time, how will I treat myself...will I trash the rest of my goals because of that one unmet goal? Evaluating whether or not I'm asking for help is a little more difficult to track. I need to be honest with myself and the emotions I'm having. My pattern is to take care of everything myself and tell everyone "I'm fine". I don't want to burden anyone with my feelings or problems, so I say "I'm fine". Today, I am doing well and that's honest. But, it's early and things can change. If and when they do, I will try my best to acknowledge my feelings and get support.

Clear, positive and attainable goals. Check.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I woke up very motivated today. I am on task as far as work, food, and exercise. The things that I was worried about yesterday have come and gone and I am feeling much more positive again. I've been thinking lately that I need to take a more active role in making positive changes in my life. I have been working hard to take care of myself physically and mentally, but there are some things that I feel I have not challenged myself enough at. I'm talking about my personal potential as a sport psychology consultant. I believe that I have a lot of potential, but I am fearful that I will give my all and I will not be rewarded. And I mean financially and emotionally rewarded. I have these thoughts quite a bit and it's difficult finding a balance between being satisfied and embracing where I am in my career and striving for something more. I do not want to feel as if I settled, as if there was more for me to give. Right now, I feel I have more. But, what if I am wrong? What if nobody sees my potential or gives me a chance? This fear keeps me from moving forward. REJECTION. What an ugly word. Fear of rejection. So, what are the steps I need to take in challenging myself and my fears. I need to put myself out there. I want to delete this entry. Do I take little steps and face the possibility of selling myself short? A giant step would be a set up. I need to find somewhere in between that will challenge me but I would still feel confident in my work. Let the challenge begin.

Today's Focus: Be nice to myself.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


It's the end of my day and there's so much to process from what happened. I usually write in the morning when things seem fresh and I have a goal for the day. Today, I'm writing when things have already happened. There's a part of me that wants to reflect and analyze the happenings of the day, but the other part of me wants to move forward, get a good nights sleep and think about what I'm going to be doing tomorrow.
So, I do want to quickly reflect today. I spent most of my morning in fear of something that was unknown. I was embarrassed of my feelings because to me, it's not necessary to be scared of something that is not yet known to be true. I felt stupid, but I WAS scared. Turns out, there was nothing to worry about. I received results that state I am "normal", or at least my brain is. My day following that phone call was easy. I was back in my "in the moment" mentality and I felt I role modelled that well.
Today taught me that I need to set my goals in the morning instead of going though my day and analyzing what I could have done differently. Tomorrow, I will get up and plan my day. I will have a focus and I will have goals. I will do my best to meet my goals and I will hold myself accountable.
Tonight, I will go to bed and get some sleep.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Make My Day

Today is going to be a good day. Not like the good day where everything goes your way, but the kind where you make the choices that determine a good day vs. a bad day. I'm doing everything within my control to make it that way. It started last night when I got some encouragement to go to the gym when all I felt like doing was being negative and going home. Exercising didn't magically make my troubles fade away, but it reminded me that I am in control. I was not going to let my emotions make my decisions for me and I didn't. So, even though I felt kinda "poopy", I still took care of my body and indirectly, my mind.
I'm still feeling a bit negative today, but I know what it's about and it's not in my control. I'm going to continue my focus from yesterday and STAY PRESENT! If I continue to make positive choices, I know my day will be a good one. A good day does not mean it's going to be all puppies and butterflies or rainbows and happy beans, it means you've made the best choices that you could make. My day is in my control and my day is going to be a good one.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Van Halen

I've got to start over again. After a weekend of indulgence (I didn't do THAT bad), it's time to regain focus and get back to business. I'm having a difficult time with my guilt about eating and drinking over the weekend. I ate things that I wouldn't normally eat and drinking definitely doesn't help with my goal of losing weight. It wasn't all bad though...I made some really good choices as well, but I'm stuck on trying to fix the things that I can't change. I ate bad, drank too much, and didn't exercise. The excuse that I was out of town just isn't good enough for me, but if someone else came to me with this story I wouldn't let them be so negative about it!!! I need to start being a little nicer to myself.
So, what would I tell someone else? "No big deal, it's a small setback, but let's get started again. Read what you've been writing about to help remind you that it's not that difficult once you get going and you always feel better both physically and mentally when you're done."
My quote of the day is "A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity, while an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty." To be honest, I'm feeling pessimistic today. I'm not seeing any opportunity, but I can see the difficulty in everything very clear right now. I just want to take a big ol' nap! But NOOOOO, I'm going to keep on going. Time to role model. Time to be present.

Today's Focus: Be present! Make the choice to be right here, right now.

Friday, March 4, 2011


I try my best not to expect others to do something if I am not willing to do it myself. I think of myself as a role model, not only at work but in society as well. I am constantly trying to be a teacher. I teach my students at school and in turn they teach me some things as well, although I don't let them know that...all the time. I need to keep the upper ground somehow!
When I was young, I never wanted to be a teacher because I didn't want to be responsible for others' actions. I now look at the word teacher in a much different light...that it's not just a person in a classroom. Everyone is a teacher to somebody, but I have chosen not only to see it that way, but to act on that as well. I try and act as if someone is watching, which means the potential of learning is there. By exercising, meditating, and eating healthy, I am exemplifying self-care. I don't necessarily have to lecture people about all of the benefits that come along with these things because it will show on it's own. I cannot expect others to take care of themselves if I am not taking care of me. If I expect others to take risks and be vulnerable, then I too shall do the same.

Today's Focus: What do I expect of others? What can others expect of me?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Work

It was a difficult evening at the gym last night. I made it through, although I did attempt to talk myself out of it the entire drive. 30 quick minutes on the treadmill. That's it, but I'll be back at it today!
As I'm writing this, I'm debating what and how much I should share. Should I talk about my feelings? About my anxiety? Well, for some reflection to happen I better write it down so I can process.
1. Home visit this weekend.
2. Dr. appointment tomorrow.
I always get anxious when I know I have to go "home", and I try to avoid it as much as possible. The same feelings come up when I have to see the doctor. When seeing your family and seeing the doctor bring up the same issues...well I don't have anything positive to say about that.

Today's focus: Control what you can control. Don't worry about the things you can't.

I don't think I can be any more clear!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I am writing this in an attempt to help myself stay motivated not only with exercise, but with other aspects of my life as well. I am writing this to help myself understand what difficulties arise when a person is faced with their patterns and wants to work on them. I am writing this to help myself become a better sport psychologist. I am writing this to develop a better sense of compassion. I am writing this to become less judgemental. I am writing this so I have something to look back on and remind me of what a particular day felt like and how I worked through it. I am sharing this because maybe someone else has felt the same way before.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

All it takes is one

I figured something out today. Daft Punk and Prodigy are great motivators. There is nothing like walking, no wait, strutting on the treadmill while visualizing yourself in the middle of a rave. But, it wasn't all easy.

My procrastination kicked in as soon as I parked my car at the gym. I found myself checking my phone, cleaning out my purse, rearranging things in my car. As if it makes a difference whether my flip-flops are behind the driver seat or passenger seat. I finally kicked myself in the ass and got out of the car, and as soon as I got inside I started chatting it up with my friends behind the desk. Holy Crap...I'm really good at procrastinating. But, as soon as I changed I was ready to get stuff done. It was getting started that was the hardest part.

Once I was on the treadie, all was good. I had PTI on the TV, Daft Punk on the iPod, and I was in my routine. Time flew by and next it was time for my strength training. Slow, methodical, mechanically correct, strength training, but I was on a roll. By this point, I was feeling great. I was back in action. I took my headphones out while lifting weights so I could increase my focus and it felt good...real good.

Tomorrow's Plan: Do it again!

A Motivational Rant

I haven't written in over 2 months. I also haven't been exercising in about that long either, but I've been thinking about both. That's my thing with exercise...I think, I plan, I lack in the execution. I do really well at setting goals, but am easily distracted and can create excuses that leave me with no time to exercise. Well, wouldn't you have it that I have a NEW reason to be motivated...a summer vacation!
The vacation is 3.5 months away. I have 30 lbs to eliminate. I did the math and it calculates to about 1.94 lbs per week. Each day, I have a specific amount of cardio that I need to complete. I have given myself a day of the week to rest. I have even planned the times to be at the gym, specific machines to use, and how many repetitions. And now, here comes my reality. I MUST workout after work everyday. This sounds very achievable as I'm typing, yet when 5:00p rolls around and I'm driving home, I just want to get home. Then I skip a day, thinking that I'll be motivated the next day, bargaining with myself, blah blah blah.
This cycle is something that I have been battling for quite some time and it's not just with exercise. Staying motivated is difficult. Staying motivated throughout the day is difficult.
Another thing I tend to do is think "it would be easier if..." IF WHAT??? Geez, I just need to do this now.
Today's plan: 20 minutes of Strength Training, 10 minutes of Abs, and finally 30 minutes of Cardio. I'll be on the treadmill, moving my legs and going nowhere...literally, and hopefully not figuratively as well.
Rainbows and Happy Beans, people!