Balance

Balance is tough for me right now...well, not only right now, but always. With most things, I start out at full speed and with the best of intentions, but if something doesn't go according to plan, it's difficult for me to get back on track without over analyzing each piece and eventually just turns into a lot of negative self-talk. I understand these setbacks are only opportunities to learn and will make me stronger in my task the next time I am challenged with it, but I really let them get to me. To me they are mistakes, not learning opportunities. I feel embarrassed when I make a mistake, yet I understand completely when this happens to others. It seems as if I have a lack of compassion toward myself. Well, not as if...I do.
It is difficult to go any other speed than TURBO...if I go slow, I want to go faster or do more, push myself. Balance. I will find balance. I will be nicer to myself (I've mentioned this before) and allow myself some wiggle room with my goals. If there is a setback, I will only go back one step not the entire journey. I will TRY to be honest with my self-talk and not so critical. I will see learning opportunities for myself as I do with others. If I am not able to do all of these things, I will come back and read this entry and remind myself that it is not a brick wall that I have run into, but only a small bump in the road.

Clarity 2.0

Over the past couple of days, I've started running again and eating when and how I should. No more eating out nearly every meal, no more bagel sandwiches for breakfast, fried foods, and a pint of delicious beer with every meal (that part I miss the most). As I've been getting back into my routine, my thoughts have become more rational and realistic and not so emotional. I have thought a lot about my last post and re-read it a number of times and realized I portrayed my situation a lot more negative than it actually is. There is so much positive in where I am and what I'm doing with my life and at my job. I'm not going to list off all the reasons, but I know I'm doing meaningful, purposeful work and with the most supportive team that I have ever known. No, it's not what I set out to do, but I will be much happier if I look at my life with a different perspective. I also know that in order to get everything I want, I will have to work harder to make it happen and I am already making changes and prepared for what's to come.

When I return to work on Monday, I will continue to give my all just as I always have, but I will also give full focus to making fitness training and mental skills training a bigger part of my life.

Exercise goal for the day: I will run at least 5 miles.

Do what you like, like what you do

It's been over 2 months since I've written in my "journal". I stopped writing when things were going really well for me. I was running and exercising consistently and I guess I just didn't think I needed to write about things when they were positive. But, when I started working more hours to prepare for my vacation (~60/week), I stopped being consistent with my exercise routine and I didn't want to document that either. Part of the reason I started this blog is to be real with myself about the ups and downs of being consistent. So now a couple of months later, I'm being real with myself about my feelings of physical fitness and it's priority in my life.

Most recently I gave myself the excuse that I didn't have the time to exercise (or to write), all I had time to do was to work. I'd physically work during the day and I'd come home and think about it during the evening, then on top of that, I'd dream about it at night. I knew that I needed to make time to exercise to help let go of some of the chaos, but I was just too tired. I was mentally exhausted. Fast forward to my 3 week vacation...

My first day in Boston, we go into the Life Is Good store. What a great store, by the way. Filled with one line cliches about what we all need to remember and be appreciative for. I'm walking around and feeling optimistic (I even bought a bumper sticker to let people know I'm "powered by optimism") when I saw a coffee cup that reads "do what you like, like what you do". Since then, I've been thinking about my current job and trying my best to be honest with myself about my happiness there. Once again, it's been taking over and mentally exhausting me, except this time I have been making time to exercise and in doing this I had a lot of time to think clearly. It really didn't take me long to realize that I already know that what really makes me happy. It's what I went to school for...exercise science and sport psychology.