I received a book that referenced Self-Defeating Behaviors. I have yet to read it. I know what my self-defeating behavior is and I'm ready to stop. "STOP IT!!!" is what I want to say to myself. I have a lot of positive things going on in my life right now, but this one thing is hindering me and my progress from where I want to be and who I want to be. Money, time, and energy are all being wasted. I could be doing many more productive things with my time. I have so many goals and yet I choose to hold myself back from being successful. I have set this limit with myself in the past about variations of this behavior, but this has been the hardest. It's time to change. I must start taking better care of myself, mentally and physically. By eliminating this behavior, that can and will happen. I have been wanting to take this step for some time now.
I am making this sound like it's not a big deal, like it's just something that I can instantly change, but it's difficult. It is a pattern, a coping strategy, an addiction. It is the catalyst to all of my other self-defeating behaviors. This change is going to take a lot of work, focus, determination, forgiveness, and patience. I believe I am ready to take on this challenge but I'm scared. I'm scared that I will fail. I'm scared that I will realize that I don't have the ability to fully focus on my goals. I'm scared that I will have to defend myself and my choice. I'm scared that I won't be understood. I'm scared that if I don't take on this challenge that everything I've worked so hard for will fall apart.